Category Archives: Funny phone calls

Funny phone calls: bank employees who don’t know their employers’ shortsale policies

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Following is a conversation I just had with an Ocwen employee regarding a shortsale I am negotiating:

Me: I received your letter rejecting the offer because of the closing costs. I’ve called about this before so I need clarification.

Employee: Okay….

Me: What exactly does the 8% closing cost maximum include?

Employee: Let me place you on hold while I check…. (10 minutes later) It includes everything except payment of the principal.

Me: So to be clear, the 6% commission is separate from the 8% for closing costs, correct?

Employee: Um, I don’t know.

Me: Can you check with someone who does know?

Employee: Well… (then silence)

Me: I need to know this before I ask the title company to make the changes. I don’t want it to be rejected again for the figures being incorrect.

Employee: Umm…

Then, he transfers me to the “home retention department”, without telling me first, and without bothering to get an answer to my question. Can you tell how easy this shortsale is going to be?

SEO telemarketers are the biggest idiots ever

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Just had the following conversation with a telemarketer from “Our Biz Space”:

Idiot: I was just checking your website to see if it matches search engine criteria, and your website is ranking low for keywords. Are you aware of this?

Me: Well, I’m not sure what you mean by search engine “criteria”, and I’m not sure which website you’re referring to since I have several that rank well for their selected keywords.

Idiot: (after a few seconds of silence) Well, I was checking your real estate website and it didn’t rank well for the relevant keywords (completely ignoring my question about search engine “criteria”)

Me: Really? Which keywords?

Idiot: (more silence) um real estate Philadelphia

Me: You sure, because I rank very well for those keywords and I can’t see myself paying to make it any better.

Idiot: Oh ok, then you have a nice day.

I wonder if these scripts actually work on people, and if so, how often.

Two things my clients remember about me: my great service, and my sucky car

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It’s official, most if not all of my clients for the past four years remember an occasion when my car failed me. They clearly remember because it usually happened while I was helping them buy or sell their home. Take a trip with me down memory lane…

  • I had a Jeep that would have “no start” moments for no reason at all. It happened once while I was showing homes to a first-time homebuyer couple. Luckily, the husband was good with cars and he was able to get it started.
  • I had a Camry (that I’d only owned for about a month) that wouldn’t go into reverse, also while I was out showing homes to another first-time homebuyer. Then it died going up a hill, and I had to call AAA to tow it. And yes, it was while I was showing homes to the client.
  • Tonight I had an appointment to meet with some past clients who are thinking about selling their home again. And surprise! My car overheated, so I had to call AAA for a tow (the car cannot go for a block without smoking/steaming). When I called to apologize and explain what happened, the wife said “wow I remember when we bought the house and the car you had was giving you problems”.

So, I am in shopping mode for another vehicle now. After all the teasing and shaking heads I get from my clients, I’m going to step it up a notch and wow them. Hopefully they’ll remember me for great real estate service and personality, and not for my crazy car problems. :-)

P.S. – If you have any suggestions for a nice used car, please leave them in the comments section below.